Love Letters

Here are the beautiful letters that we had made for Madalyn's room. Jenna had some made for Savannah by someone she met through The Knot.com, a wedding website. Katie did a great job and she is expecting her own little girl soon... If anyone is interested in ordering letters for her let me know. They look absolutely beautiful and she can do them to match any nursery theme and colors.

Well, the day is getting closer! We are about 2 weeks away from meeting our little one... even less if my doctor is true to his word and schedules me for an induction after my 39 week appointment (Monday!) Can you tell how badly I am hoping this will happen? I am just so anxious to meet our little girl and stop saying "when the baby comes..." or "after the baby is here" and just have her here! Plus it would be nice to sleep on my stomach again, and not have to pee 12 times nightly. I know everyone says that Im not going to get much sleep with an infant... but I am convinced I will have an easier time getting up with her when there wont be a million obstacles keeping me from getting back to sleep (such as a huge protruding belly or aching calves or stuffy nose or incessant need to pee) So I for one think it will be easier. And at least then Shawn can share in the responsibility. All he knows now is how many times it is back and forth to the bathroom for me. : )

I cant REALLY complain though, except for the absolute exhaustion. All those "sleepless" nights are catching up with me, and I think just the added weight and stress and all makes even simple tasks seem overwhelming. It takes me all day to do 2 loads of laundry! (Well to be honest, the laundry I washed yesterday is still in the dryer waiting to be folded... so thats more like 2 days to do one load!) And Shawn, bless his heart, helps out so much around the house in addition to working extremely long days.... he does so much more then he needs to. I am so lucky to have him around to put more then his fair share of effort into keeping things up around here. I just keep telling myself that any minute we could be leaving for three days to go have our little girl and will be having people come and check on Allie and have my mom staying here, so we try to keep everything as picked up as possible so that we arent leaving a mess.

Off to bed for me....

Still a girl....

Well today I had my doctors appointment and ultrasound. Even though I am technically 37 weeks and 4 days it is considered my 38 week appointment. Everything looked great in the ultrasound, and Shawn was working over by North Florida and was able to come with me which was a nice surprise. Shes so crammed in there! She is head down and her head is low in my pelvis, her back and spine are across the left side of my stomach, leaving her arms and legs free to punch along the right side, which she loves to do. She was even punching the lady doing the ultrasound! She is measuring right on time... 37 weeks 4 days so our due date is right on. The US RN said that she would guess her weight to be able 7 lbs, 5 oz which puts her in the 70th percentile, a little bigger than average. But they could be off by up to a pound and a half, so who knows.

The biggest new, especially for Grandma Swanson, is that we are certain she is a girl! Madalyn loved showing off her "girl parts" more than her face. Just like in previous ultrasounds she likes to keep her arm across her face. But she definitely wanted to make certain we knew she was a girl!

At the doctor my BP was a little elevated. Last week is was 124/86 and this week it was now 144/86, which seemed like a big jump. However the doctor said that because it is my systolic pressure that is elevated and not my diastolic pressure he isnt very concerned. I had some protein in my urine but not enough to be worried about. But it is something to keep an eye on. He checked me and I am dilated between 1 and 2 cm and while he wouldnt put a number for effacement, he said that my cervix is "very favorable" for induction if that becomes necessary.

So looks like Shawn and I will be doing LOTS of walking over the next week!

Allie is feeling much better it seems.... I still dont know what made her so sick, but at least today she is playing like she normally does.

Still no new on the house for sure.... wont hear about the mortgage for sure yet, which is definitely a little stressful. I would have thought the people would have moved out this past weekend because they have until Saturday to be out completely, but it didnt look like they moved anything. And our walk through is scheduled for next Sunday so hopefully they will get it together by then. Our landlord here has leased this place as of August 1st, though I made certain he knew that we are staying here if we dont end up buying this house. Im hoping he is true to his word about letting us renew, because I wont be happy if we end up having to move to somewhere that we dont buy because we had this place rented out from underneath us. Especially because we havent even told our landlord for certain that we are leaving....

Sunday afternoon.....

Well its Sunday of week 37. Not too many more days to go. Over the last week and a half I have had so many of the signs of impending labor that I feel like she could come any day now. I have contractions on and off, and in my childbirth class book there is a checklist of all of the things that you might feel about a week before you go into labor... and more and more of those things are happening! I wonder which day Madalyn has picked for her birthday party?

Allie was really sick last night, so I was up almost all night with her. She must have eaten something she found outside at some point, because all night she was her normal playful self, then she around 11 she started throwing up and continued to do so all night and today as well. She has been the sickest I have ever seen an animal, and I was worried she might need to go to the vet. But she has managed to keep some water down this morning and she gets bits of energy where she runs around and plays for a bit, then goes and naps in the office. So I think she is starting to feel a little bit better and Im not as worried as I was.

Shawn has been working all weekend, though he took a few hour break yesterday so we could go and see Brian. We had a nice visit with him, then Amber and I went to get a pedicure and have some pizza which was a lot of fun.

I see the doctor tomorrow and will get an ultrasound to see how big the baby is... and to make sure she is head down, which we are pretty certain that she is.

37 Weeks (tomorrow)

Well I am officially 37 weeks tomorrow (or today depending on what calendar calculated my due date!) But my appointment yesterday was considered to be my 37 week appointment.

I had thought for certain I was going to have her on Monday. I woke up and felt just awful, then within about an hour I was nauseous and vomiting and started having contractions. I had a doctors appointment for my knee and managed to make it to that and was still having contractions but nothing regular enough to bother timing. I still felt horrible so I took the day off of work and came home and rested... which is what I needed but still wasnt worth taking time off when she decided she wasnt ready to come out! :) I had felt for certain that all of the "telltale signs of labor" were starting and maybe we were going to get to meet our little girl. Especially when I started with the whole "nesting" feeling... and wanting to make certain everything was ready for her. I even made Shawn help me put the car seat into my car!

This past week I have started feeling uncomfortable... I think partially because she has dropped into my pelvis and I have a lot of pressure and dont feel great now. Im glad though that Im not the only one who feels like this... when I went to Shawns softball game last night all the mommies there were telling me how badly they wanted to give birth at this point and all of the things that they tried to make them go into labor! So at least Im not the only one who is starting to feel tired of being pregnant at this point. Apparantly its something most mothers feel!

At my appointment I had had already know he probably wouldnt check me... he said he usually doesnt do it because it wont mean anything. He could find Im already dilated and tell me that and then Ill be dissapointed when I go another 3 weeks without anything happening, or he could see Im not dilated at all and tell me that and I could go into labor that night. So it makes sense... but still I would like to know if all those contractions the other day helped to do anything or if shes not even thinking about making her debut to the world! Everything looked good at the doctors appointment, though my blood pressure was a little bit higher then it had been. It isnt considered high, but I do think I am holding a bit of fluid because my feet and hands are a little puffy.

I have another appointment on Monday and have an ultrasound scheduled with that appointment so I will get to see her then. (If not before then.... HINT HINT Madalyn!)

36 Weeks!

Well I had my 36 week appointment yesterday.... and its so hard to believe I go every week now! We scheduled me for an ultrasound in 2 weeks... I think it is March 27th but I dont know offhand. He says shes still head down, which is good... and Im still measuring a week small... so much for monster baby! I feel huge... so its nice to hear Im small in some way! :) Everything looked great... I had only gained 2 pounds, which is what I am suppossed to gain... and my blood pressure was perfect, so it seems everything has finally regulated itself and Im right where I should be.

The baby is really active, but she seems to already be on a schedule. Shes super busy before bed, and wakes me up at 6:30 every morning (believe it or not, it has been 7:30 this week when she starts kicking! She has figured out daylight savings time!) Its really interesting how she seems already to know about daytime and nighttime. It probably helps that Im able to sleep at work and not be up running calls because that means I sleep most nights (well I lay down most nights... I sleep between the 12 nightly trips to the bathroom)

Amber is in town this week and we went to lunch yesterday and she came over and hung out last night. We had a lot of fun... even just bumming around on the couch watching American Idol and all. Its nice to have friends who understand Im still love to hang out but am just not up for going downtown or out to clubs anymore!

This week I am trying to get some ideas for the house... mostly thinking of paint. It is frustrating not to know if we are definitely going to be moving or not... but its still nice to let my creative side come out. I found the perfect bedspread for our room... the LAST thing we NEED, but something that would make our room look really great. I also saw an idea on HGTV to actually make a headboard out of wood and foam and different panels of a fabric that would be super cheap and look very cool.

House Photos

Things are looking pretty okay as far as the house is concerned... the final contract has been signed and submitted and we are just waiting to hear about the appraisal and the final approval from the lender. So another week or so of keeping our fingers crossed... and hopefully we will know something soon!

It still doesnt look like the tenants have even
thought about moving out... they still have all of their stuff there.... so being that they have 2 weeks until they need to be out that is a little worrisome... but not our problem really since they need to be out before we can close.

Baby Pool Votes

Here are the votes so far.... keep them coming in! I will be updating this as more people say their votes...

Here are the votes so far.... keep them coming in! I will be updating this as more people say their votes...

Carey- March 26th PM 8 lbs, 2 oz.

Amber- March 29th PM

Zeke- March 30th PM

Thai- March 31st AM

Minnich- April 1st AM 8 lbs, 7 oz.

Zach- April 1st PM

Jaime- April 3rd PM 7lbs, 2 oz

Pooh- April 4th PM

Scottie- April 5th PM

Alyssa- April 7th 7lbs. 11 oz

Dave- April 9th PM

Shala- April 9th PM 7lbs, 6 oz.

Jaime's Mom- April 10th AM 6lbs, 14 oz

Nickole- April 11th AM 7lbs, 7oz 19 inches

Jenna- April 11th 7 lbs, 5 ounces 19 inches

Shawn- April 13th AM 10 lbs, 2 oz (I already kicked him HARD for that one!)

Belly Pics (Week 35)

Finally some belly pics! There are from 35 weeks, 2 days pregnant. Im just happy I can still wear the clothes I could wear early in my pregnancy and havent outgrown those! I have a doctors appointment Wednesday and will be posting an update as of then. I still dont have my bag packed for the hospital... but I DID make a trip to Target and at least bought some stuff... so I AM making some progress!

Week 35

I can hardly believe there are now 35 weeks behind us. We have a little over 4 weeks left to go assuming she comes on time. And these next few weeks are jam packed so Im sure time will fly by and she will be here before we know it. Her room is pretty much all put together... we even have diapers for her! I guess now its time to learn how to get the car seat installed in the car so when the time comes we already know how to do that. My friend Kristi asked me if I had my bag packed for the hospital (Which I dont as of yet) and she told me I definitely need to get that stuff together and fairly soon. Truth is I hadnt even really thought about what I will pack. So if there are any suggestions on what to bring let me know!

We have been saving our change for about 6 months... waiting for a "rainy day." Today on a whim we decided to cash it in and buy a nice dinner with the money... and turns out we had $122! So we bought some Porterhouse steaks and crab legs and are making dinner here. Now that I know how much it adds up I will certainly be better about hanging on to my change!

We went and saw our friend Brian Minnich today. It was the first time I have seen him since his trial and Shawn saw him while he was at the county jail just before Christmas. I was pleasantly surprised at how good he looked... and he seems to be holding up better than I had anticipated. It was a little strange at first... but after we adjusted to the guards walking around and watching us it was just like our old double dates at Pizza Hut! We had a good time hanging out with him, and hope to make it out there at least one more time before Madalyn is here.

We are using our baby pool as a way to help raise a little money for him... which is nice because a lot of our friends want to give him some money to help out with incidentals and all, but cant part with enough to make it worth the effort to put it in his account, so this way we can give something back to him who has given so much to us. His vote is that she will be born April 1st and weight 8 pounds 7 ounces. I will be posting peoples predictions on here as well to share with everyone!

Things are still up in the air as far as the house is concerned... waiting to hear on the mortgage approval and I gave the sellers the final contract to sign and get back to me by Friday afternoon and its been all weekend and still no word from them. I dont know if there is a problem with the contingencies we had on there (that the place be vacated by the tenants and all damages incurred by them be taken care of prior to our closing) or if they have just been busy. Either way I have been trying to not stress about it and just relax.

My semester is almost over believe it or not... I have one more test in each class and a term paper in each class and then I am finished! I have 2 more classes that start at the end of March but they are online as well so they shouldnt take up too much time.

I see the doctor on Wednesday and will be posting an update about that.

Baby Pool Info

Well that time is QUICKLY approaching... only a little over 4 weeks until Madalyn's arrival! We have decided to do the traditional baby pool, with a twist. We are going to ask everyone to join in guessing her birthday (date and day or night) and her size and the person who comes closest gets a goody bag filled with all sorts of treats!

Its a $5 donation to join in, and we are going to take the money and give it to our friend Brian Minnich to help his cause. Please join us at this special time to also help make a difference for someone who is very dear to us, and the reason that we are together today. We owe every minute of our happiness to his friendship!

If youre interested in joining in, send me a message with your vote. We can take cash or check, and I also have a paypal account so you can pay online with a few clicks of a mouse!

Hope to hear from you soon.... by the way my due date is officially April 13th, and at my last doctor's appointment I was measuring a week behind, so she is now a little on the small size after her big growth spurt a few weeks ago.

House Update

Well we DID get financing for the house.... so all of the paperwork is being processed. I wont believe until we have a check in hand... but as far as we have been told it looks like it will work out. We will be paying more money than originally thought, but can refinance in a year and hopefully be paying less then. So this year we will be living very frugally.... but that will keep us out of trouble anyways, and who has time to spend money on fun stuff with a new baby? So I think it will work out okay.

Yesterday was our home inspection... we kind of had a struggled getting over there and dealing with the current tenants.... they didnt return the owners phone calls all weekend and then when they did said they didnt want people in the house unless they were there (which legally they cant do as long as they had 24 hours of notice which they had) So the owners tried to reschedule... but I told them no, that we had planned this 4 days ago and had met with the inspector and would be there at 4... so we started on the outside and stalled enough until the guy came home. We only had 10 days to complete the inspection, which is Friday... and Shawn is working today and tomorrow and I work Wednesday and then Thursday night... so it was yesterday or Friday basically.

I am worried that the tenants are going to cause problem. They pnly pay $750 a month for rent (which is about $200 lower than everything else around here!) and they are going to be hardpressed to find something that cheap anywhere around here, and with 5 kids living there its going to be hard to find anything big enough for them!) They arent the classiest of people to say the least... and they live in absolute filth. I will be taking pictures of the inside of the house, but chose not to share the ones I did take because it is so disgusting! But from these pictures you can see the yard and the back of the house.

Madalyn has been really really active the past few days... wiggling around and kicking me a lot. I had quite a few contractions yesterday as well.... Im sure they were Braxton Hicks contractions but its the most of those that I have had throughout my pregnancy. I cant believe how close it is until she is here. Today I am putting away the rest of the clothes that Jenna sent home with us this weekend.... I only kept the newborn stuff out in the drawers and closet and have packed everything else in rubbermaids in her closet.

We are contemplating a change in wedding plans.... with the whole house buying thing we have been leaning in the direction of having a VERY small (family only) wedding, maybe on the beach somewhere, and then eating dinner at a nice resturaunt. If we do that it will probably be over the summer sometime.... and while its not the big wedding we had been thinking, I think it will be easier with a new house and a new baby to scratch all that planning. Shawn and I know that we want to be married, and really the only thing stopping us from going to the courthouse and getting married is wanting to share it with our families. Plus we could take what has been earmarked towards wedding money and put it into the house, even if it just sits in savings it will cut down on the stress level of money for the next year.

Also, Shawn is setting up a MSN group for Madalyn so we can email pictures and baby updates and all.... so if you read this regularly and want to be added to the group send me an email at emtgatorgirl@Hotmail.com so we can get you added....

Happy Birthday Savannah!

My neice Savannah's birthday was on March 1st and she is now 1 year old! I cant believe how fast the year has gone by (not to mention how much life has changed this past year.) Shawn and I went to Bradenton on Friday night to spend the weekend with Jenna, Brad and the baby. My parents came down yesterday for lunch and to spend the afternoon, then we all headed back home late last night. It was a long weekend and I was absolutely exhausted by the time we got home last night, but it was well worth it to be able to spend time with the family. Depending on Miss Madalyn's plans we will be heading to Riverview St Patty's weekend so we (I mean more Shawn than I!) can help Jenna and Brad with things in their new house.

Pregnancy wise... I am 34 weeks, 3 days.... so only 5 weeks and a few days to go! I cant believe how close it is getting. We pretty much have everything we need for her all set and ready to go. I guess this week we need to make a priority of attempting car seat installation, so we at least know how to get that in there in case she decides to come early. Other than that we are good to go and just waiting her arrival.

House wise things are still up in the air. We made an offer that they accepted and we signed the contract, but turns out the loan program that we thought I qualified for because I am a firefighter is for people who make LESS money than I do. I dont make THAT much to be overqualified for things, especially since I will be supporting a family of 3 on that.... but who knows. So back to the drawing board in that department... I will know more tomorrow from our mortgage broker, but hopefully he has something that we qualify for and can still afford everything else! I would really hate to pass on this house because it is everything we want and would be such a great opportunity for us. Plus Shawn is so excited about putting his handyman skills to work at his own place.... So keep your fingers crossed for us that things will work out.

Week 34, house contract signed!

Well, as of tomorrow I am finished my 34th week and start my 35th! It is crazy how time is flying by. I saw the doctor yesterday and he said everything looks good... she is still head down and her "growth spurt" seems to have evened off because now I am measuring 32.5 weeks instead of 33.5. So much for Shawn's wish of a 9 pound baby! I will have another ultrasound before she is born, probably at my 36 or 37 week appointment. I go back in 2 weeks from today, at the end of my 35th week, then will see him weekly after that. Its getting close now!

We signed a contract on the house yesterday.... we actually got it for $9000 less than the asking price, and the asking price was probably $30,000 less then what they could have gotten the house sold for compared to the values in this area. The people who are selling the house are very nice and so far have made this experience very very easy for us. The lady even offered to come help paint as soon as we close so that we can get the fumes out before Madalyn is here! We meet with our mortgage guy today and then will fax the contract to Brad who is doing our legal stuff.... and our mortgage guy is one of Brad's best friends and fraternity brothers from college. It has been very nice and convienent to have people we know helping us with the details, and so far our first home buying experience has been painless and easy.

So this next month will consist of getting as much stuff together as possible while waiting for the closing date and the baby's birthday to come. As of right now we close March 31st, and should know more today after we meet with Ace. As far as I know from this point it is just the bank seeing if they want to buy the house at that much money.... and hopefully they will agree to it and everything will continue to go smoothly.

Shawn started softball season last night... he plays with some guys from work and high school out at the local sports park every Tuesday night. We didnt get home until late and were pretty exhausted since it was a long day. Today is my birthday, and other than signing the loan paperwork I dont think we have anything exciting planned. Some of my friends have called to see if we were going to do something.... but I am definitely showing my age (and the fact that Im VERY pregnant!) when I say I would be happier staying in and making dinner together then going anywhere special!

Plus what better birthday present can you ask for then buying a house with the man that you love right before your first daughter is born? I mean, really.... it doesnt get any better than this.

BIG NEWS~

Sunday morning after the baby shower we were talking with my mother about buying a house.... something we werent planning to do. But with her encouragement and some very convienent timing we decided to go by an open house one street over in our neighborhood. Both Shawn and I love our location in Gainesville, but unfortunately the houses here are a little out of our price range for right now. But we decided to take a look anyways, because it wouldnt hurt.

We are so glad that we did! The house is old... same as this one, and is laid out very similar and is a little bit bigger, plus has an enclosed porch. It needs a LOT of work... but is mostly cosmetic things like new paint and flooring. The yard is about the same size as this one and is already fenced in.... perfect for Miss Allie! The best part was the price... well within our range because it needs work, and the people are willing to negotiate the price because of the work that it needs.

So we left the open house, and I called a friend from college, Ace. He handled the financing for Jenna and Brad's first home... and I just wanted to pick his brain but turns out he took all of my information and by 4 yesterday was calling me to say that we were approved for a mortgage for the house! Last night we went back to the house for another walk through.... and then tonight we are going to make an offer and hopefully sign a contract on the house.

Apparently my birthday present this year will be buying out first home! Keep your fingers crossed that this will all work out.... and hopefully we will be closing on the house around the beginning of April. (The thought has crossed my mind that we might be signing the closing paperwork from my hospital bed while in labor with Madalyn!)

Madalyn's Baby Shower

Saturday was our baby shower..... and it was great! My sister did an awesome job of organizing everything and making everything look absolutely beautiful. It was great to see so many friends from college who made the trip up to spend the afternoon with me. I will be posting pictures very soon. We got a lot of great things for Madalyn.... lots of beautiful blankets and clothes. She is going to be so fashionable!

We had finished the nursery, so it was nice to show off all of our (Shawn's) hard work. Thanks to everyone who joined us to celebrate, and special thanks to Jenna for all of her hard work.

Week 32

Today I am 32 weeks pregnant and starting my 33rd week... that means she should be here in 7 weeks or less! Its insane how fast time has gone by. And it feels like she has moved off of my lungs a bit so I can breathe MUCH easier, at least for the time being. That makes being pregnant SO much more enjoyable... when I can take a deep breath! :)

This week we spent two days "Spring Cleaning" the house.... and Shawn worked his butt off washing baseboards and scrubbing the bathrooms and all. Our house is extremely clean now... and all disinfected for baby. Her chair came last night and Shawn put it together, so her room will be finished when we put the cabinent together. Then I will send along pictures of the completed room.

It is very very cold out tonight and the weather man says we might get snow flurries! The low is below 30 and there is some moisture in the air.... that would certainly be cool to see some snow.... but we are all bundled up inside with the heat on.

I know I need to add some belly pictures.... they are coming I promise. : )

Jamie and Beth's wedding

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31 Weeks....

Yesterday we had our 31 week doctors appointment. Wow how time flies! No ultrasound, so we can't tell how big she is, but by measuring me it seems she may have just had a growth spurt because I am measuring exactly where I should be. Dr. Muskus said that she has turned head-down, which I had figured because I feel some kicking under my ribs now which I hadnt felt before. So she is at least starting to think about making her appearance!

While I did pass my glucola test, turns out I failed the one hour portion. My sugar after 1 hour was 192 and the highest acceptable is 130! So he wont technically classify me as a gestational diabetic, I still need to watch my carbs and sugars very closely. At least I dont have to prick my finger every day! We dont eat particuarily bad to begin with... but I definitely wont be enjoying any chocolate this Valentines day! (though I AM having a piece of Publix cake at my baby shower!)

I was asking if he would check me when I got closer, to give me a guesstimate if I am starting to dilate and start thinking about when she might decide to come... and he said he usually doesnt because it is so uncomfortable. But he DID offer to induce me when it gets closer if that would work better for us... which takes a little stress off of me about having to worry about going into labor at work! We dont have to make a decision yet... but at least I have that option if thats what we choose!

We are going to a friend's wedding today at the same place we are getting married, with the same caterer, so it will be nice to see how things are set up and how it sounds and all... kind of like a trial run for our wedding. I work with the groom so there will be a lot of firefighters there as well, and a bunch of our friends are in the wedding party. Should be a good time!

Angels are everywhere

I received this as a forward from a very dear family friend... and I thought it was absolutely beautiful. Of course it made me cry, the sap that I am! But I thought I would pass it along... because it is inspirational and uplifting to think that there are people in this world who would take the time out of their day to make a difference. And even greater is the fact that this mother felt she should share... to perhaps inspire random acts of kindness by others. I am so touched.

Angels are Everywhere
"Some of you may know that our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last month(8/23). The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. She dictated and I wrote:

"Dear God, Will you please take special care of our dog, Abbey? She died yesterday and is heaven. We miss her very much. We are happy that you let us have her as our dog even though she got sick. I hope that you will play with her. She liked to play with balls and swim before she got sick. I am sending some pictures of her so that when you see her in heaven you will know
she is our special dog. But I really do miss her.
Love, Meredith Claire
ps: Mommy wrote the words after Mer told them to her"

We put that in an envelope with 2 pictures of Abbey, and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Mer stuck some stamps on the front (because, as she said, it may take lots of stamps to get a letter all the way to heaven) and that afternoon I let her drop it into the letterbox at the post office.
For a few days, she would ask if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had. Yesterday, for Labor Day, we took the kids to
Austin to a natural history museum. When we got back, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch. Curious, I went tolook at it. It had a gold star card on the front and said "To: Mer" in an unfamiliar hand.

Meredith took it in and opened it. Inside was a book by
Mr. Rogers, When a Pet Dies. Taped to the inside front
cover was the letter we had written to God, in its opened envelope(which was marked Return to Sender:
> Insufficient address). On the opposite page, one of the pictures of Abbey was taped under the words "For Meredith." We turned to the back cover, and there was the other picture of Abbey,and this handwritten note on pink paper:

"Dear Mer,
I know that you will be happy to know that Abbey arrived safely and soundly in Heaven! Having the pictures you sent to me was such a big help. I recognized Abbey right away.You know, Meredith, she isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with
me--just like she stays in your heart--young and running and playing. Abbey loved being your dog, you know. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets!-- so I can't keep your beautiful
letter. I am sending it to you with the pictures so that you will have this book to keep and remember Abbey.
One of my angels is taking care of this for me. I hope the little book helps. Thank you for the beautiful letter. Thank your mother for sending it. What a wonderful mother you have! I picked her especially for you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much. By the way, I am in heaven and wherever there is love.
Love,
God, and the special angel who wrote this after God told her the words."

As a parent and a pet lover, this is one of the kindest things that I've ever experienced. I have no way to know who sent it, but there is somevery kind soul working in the dead letter office. Just wanted to share this act of compassion :)

Learning to practice what I preach

Well I guess it is time to practice what I preach. I never thought I would have to listen so closely to something like that, but I do now, because I dont honestly think my heart can handle anymore.

"When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left."

So much easier to say and think about doing than to actually do. Especially when you are seven and a half months pregnant and on an emotional roller coaster, sometimes its hard to not sweat the small stuff. Now the rational Jaime knows to just let it go, that the writing is on the wall, that people change and move on and that its time to just look past it. But the Jaime that really misses her friends, and misses the people who used to mean so much to her has a really hard time doing that.

I know I am lucky. I have friends who have survived cancer, who have overcome so many difficult obstacles, who are in places that they dont deserve to be in... and I have the greatest admiration and respect for those people for being who they are today. There isnt a day that goes by that I dont thank God for all that I have, and for bringing Shawn and I together and showing me what life is all about. I dont miss the parties and the clubs and the wild and crazy life... but I do miss having a girlfriend to call when I am sad or lonely or just need someone to be there for me. Shawn is wonderful, but not the person that I need when I am having a "girly moment."

This pregnancy, while a beautiful blessing and a gift, has brought me the greatest challenge that I have ever had to face. Not to mention losing the freedom of being able to do my job on the ambulance and being stuck in an office all day, possibly facing knee surgery, going to school full time and teaching almost full time hours on my days off. I am doing a lot and that makes me happy, but sometimes I get overwhelmed and just need a friend to talk to. I hate feeling like a burden to those around me when I need a pick-me-up. They say it takes a village to raise a child... and I think it takes a strong support system to go through pregnancy. So losing part of that support system at the time when I need them most has been incredibly devastating. And at the time in my life where I feel the least like myself I am forced to try and trust new people, something that I am very NOT good at after years of trusting the wrong people.

Last night I think was the lowest I have felt.... and the saddest I can remember being. It was like the wind was completely taken out of my sail... and I know I shouldnt let it bother me, shouldnt stress about things that I cant change... but I cant help it. I am a person, I have a heart, and it was absolutely broken by someone I thought was at least in some way a friend.

There is this person I have been friends with for years... and when I say years I mean since I had just turned 21. That person and I had seen each other through everything... and I thought was one of those friendships that is lifelong and lasting. Since December we have been growing apart, and on several occasions I have asked her if I had done something to upset her, or if there was something wrong. And each time I was told that she was just busy... and I chalked it up to me being hypersensitive due to hormones. Turns out I was wrong... and maybe the writing was on the wall then and I should have paid attention and avoided being hurt. But I didnt...

My friend Kevin was having a Super Bowl party and he asked it we wouldnt mind having it here, and I thought that would be a great idea.... so we invited some more people since there was now more room for people at my place. And everyone we invited called and wanted to know why I wasnt going to my friend's house for her party. Trivial I know... but the reason why I wasnt going was I knew nothing about it. I had so obviously not been invited that it was like a slap in the face. I just very calmly told people that I wasnt going because I wasnt invited, and no, I didnt know why... we hadnt had a fight that I knew of... but I understood if they went and didnt come here and to have fun. This person herself even sent me a text message and told me that she couldnt come, that she had other plans. I just sent her a text back that I knew... and for her to have fun.

I was absolutely crushed. And the rational Jaime tried to talk myself through it... to say you cant make people be your friend, and that if this is the way it is then thats life. I KNOW I have an amazing family, and amazing friends.... and I am so lucky and greatful for that. But there still isnt much you can to do prepare yourself for that knife in the heart, punch in the gut feeling that you get when you realize that you have lost someone who was very important to you. The rational part of me says call her, write her... figure out where it all went wrong because it is silly to throw away 6 years of friendship.... but I guess I am not the one throwing it all away. And I honestly dont think my heart can take anymore.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

Thank God for Shawn... for he is the one who shows me that I am better off without people like that in my life... and he can put his arms around me when I cry and tell me that it will all be okay and I have so much more now. And I know that I do and that I shouldnt cry and that I shouldnt be sad. But sometimes I just cant help it...